Give the gift of sweet hallucinations

Birthdays. They happen. Every year, in fact. Right now, no one has any money. That has not, however, dampened most people's insatiable appetite for recognition. And gifts. Especially on their day.

So, when you care enough to go beyond posting "Happy Birthday" on someone's Facebook wall and when just another "Many Happy Returns" $2 Happy Hour beer won't do -- consider giving one of Pep's' inaugural birthday cards. It's more than a fun shade of green. It goes well beyond the colorful hat. It's like a free hit of acid that will never show up on a drug test. With the added delight of a yummy cupcake recipe.

BONUS: For a limited time, buy a 5-pack (or hell, buy an individual card) and the scribbler will personally call the recipient and sing "Happy Birthday" over the phone. The scribbler has a lovely singing voice, if not a bit loud. She cannot, however, guarantee that she will be sober when said call is placed. But that makes it all the more fun. Surprise!

Sympathy cards can be sent to Kansas City

"Hallmark Magazine" has died. The March-April issue will be its last. At least 500 subscribers are going to be really unhappy when their subscription turns into "ESPN: The Magazine" come May.

To be honest, I'm not sure how this magazine differed from "Martha Stewart Living". I could swear that they were exactly the same book. Recipes. Crafts. Kids. Completely geared toward women. And I did see it a few times. Picked it up. Flipped through it. It's been around for three years, after all. But it was a magazine branded by a greeting card giant. What brilliant person wrote the business plan that got this project greenlighted? I need their help selling my social media strategy. If you subscribed to this, seriously -- tell me why?

No. 2 by the numbers, No. 1 in your heart

Not surprisingly, a survey found that average spending for this year's VTD would drop more than 13% from last year's total, but still top $14 billion.

• Some 63% of the group plan to celebrate Valentine's Day.
  
• The most romantic age bracket: 18- to 24-year-olds, 74% of whom will spend some of their discretionary income on items like flowers, jewelry and candy.
  
• The 25- to 34-year-old set will sink the most dollars per valentine, $160 on average.

A majority of folks say they plan to exchange greeting cards -- estimated to be about 190 million total -- making it the No. 2 holiday behind Christmas for exchanging cards. Why, you may ask, then does PEP Greetings NOT have a VTD card this year? We're working on it. It may be a little late for this year, but we like to think of it as early for 2010. Thank you cards come first, and they are only a day or two from being made public. New recipe. Beautiful art. Whimsy. Humor.

What more could a card buyer want? Other than a card in return. Always.

The Great American Thank-You Card

Darby Conley either has a soft spot, or a vendetta.



Earlier this year: Beating card.

Porn mail

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but e-cards are not always to be trusted. If "a friend" sends you a virtual card, and it makes it past your spam filter, that "friend" should be smart enough to identify themselves. And you, despite being excited at the prospect of an animated monkey blowing out birthday candles, should be smart enough to treat the e-card with suspicion. The most recent concern: American Greetings and other card companies are working with federal authorities to ferret out who/what is sending e-greetings that redirect unsuspecting readers ... TO PORN SITES.

"The best way to make sure you're opening a legitimate card is to:

Type the card company's URL into your browser. Do not click on the link. Do not cut and paste the linked address into your browser.

Type the card code from the e-mail into the search engine on the legitimate Web page. If the e-mail was legitimate, your card should appear."

Of course, this may be a good excuse for people who get nabbed while surfing for skin at work: Hallmark made me do it.

What would Cliff Clavin do?

I know that we could break this down, run some numbers, get a consultant or 200 in to figure out the grave inefficiencies in the system (D.C. Main Penn. Ave branch, I am looking at you) and avoid what the Postmaster General proposed could be a scenario to save money if something doesn't change soon.

We're talking about the possibility, albeit remote and temporary, of one less day of MAIL, people.

If faced with the nation reducing its delivery days, Cliffy would lose it. Unacceptable. Unfathomable. The mail is the one thing that runs on time (or relatively so), come hurricane or flood or other national disaster. It reaches every tiny township in America. And mailmen (and women) are completely dedicated to the service they have become inscribed to -- a badge of honor. They're not just serving residents, they're serving their country in those dreamy postal blues.

Cliff: I've the best safety record in the branch, Coach. Never even been near an accident.
Paul : Not since you were born.
Cliff: Was that comment addressed to me, Paul?
Paul: Oh, no Cliff. If it were addressed to anybody, it'd probably get lost in the mail.
Cliff: If I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.
Norm: If you weren't wearing that uniform, we'd all step outside.

* Props to my home state's Sen. Susan M. Collins saying she was "very disappointed" at the possibility of changing to five-day delivery. Regardless of political party, we Mainers do not like to go without our mail. Not everyone is online and many don't have phones. Or a TV, much less cable. But everyone, even on the islands, has a mailbox.

And the lows more frequent

Order of St. Nick has combined dire economic times with Valentine's Day to come up with a New Depression-era love extravaganza.

"One card shows a Dust Bowl farmer and his wife cooking a pot of slop in an open kettle. Its caption reads: "William took Martha out to eat for Valentine's Day." Another shows a bunch of down-and-out guys in fedoras loitering outside of an automat. "Box of chocolates?" exhorts the caption. "She'll be lucky to get a box of rocks from me this year.'

"If Hallmark came out with this, it would be in poor taste," (owner Andrew) Shaffer admits. "But people need to laugh in tough times. As long as it's approached with humor, even the Great Depression works.""

The Iowa City-based card company also has a line of Nietzsche Valentine's Day cards that would suit the sense of humor that a lot of boys I know have about this time of year. My favorite:

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

As if Valentine's Day wasn't bad enough

"A new worm has been detected by PandaLabs which is using Valentine's Day to spread itself through email greeting cards. The network security company is calling it a new variant of the Waledec Storm worm ... The Waledac.C worm spreads by sending a fake Valentine's Day greeting card using email. The recipient then clicks on a link to download the fake card which downloads the Waledec Storm worm."

The piece goes on to explain that Valentine's Day is one of the biggest days of the year for hackers to spread viruses. For someone who is expecting something lovely and sweet in their inbox, this is a huge pain in the ass. And for someone who isn't -- it's downright cruel.

"To make matters worse, the e-card entices the user to click on a row of hearts or roses by stating, 'Guess, which one is for you?'"

So, this VTD, don't open e-mails from strangers claiming to be sending you e-love. Clearly, it's not safe. Protect yourself. Wait for something in your true mailbox. It takes longer to get there, but usually it's worth it.

We're blushing

BUST -- a 15-year-old national magazine that is "fierce, funny, and proud to be female" had some sweet things to say about us and our "Get Toasty" card in a recent blog post:

"This little card from PEP Greetings is too adorable, and so are the ladies behind it."

It's true! We ARE adorable. And easily flattered.

Finally taking down those holiday cards?

I know you have them. Stuck to your fridge. All around the door jam. In that special display holder on your kitchen counter that someone gave you last year. Or, if you're like me, they are all over the kitchen counter and littering your dresser tops.

But now it's time to say goodbye to the holidays. Box up the ornaments, the garland and the menorah. Bring in the lights. But those cards -- handwritten greetings from family and friends. Glitter. Stars. Smiling reindeer. Peppermint-laced martini glasses. Warm blues, greens and reds. Are they destined for the trash? Can they all fit in another stack of shoeboxes (or in my case, Kate Spade boxes)?

St. Jude’s Ranch for Children, an organization that cares for abused, abandoned and neglected children, hopes not.

"Over thirty years ago, wishing to show our donors appreciation for making St. Jude’s Ranch for Children possible, the idea was conceived for turning the previous year’s Christmas cards into "new" cards for the coming season. The recipients were so delighted with their unique "thank you," they requested the children sell them the special cards... since then, the Program expanded to include all occasion greeting cards… the children participate in making the new recycled cards by removing the front and attaching a new back made with recycled paper. The new card is a beautiful, “green” card made by the children and volunteers. We are accepting used, all-occasion greeting cards thru February 28, 2009. Mail your donations to:

St. Jude's Ranch for Children
Card Recycling Program
100 St. Jude's Street
Boulder City, NV 89005"

You can also order their recycled cards online. I would encourage it -- as long as you consider ordering some of ours too.

And I hope you realize that if you still have your tree up, it's a major fire hazard. You can recycle that too. Just let it go.

Do not bend

Envelopes are important. If they are too thick, they can feel wooden (and add to postage rates). If they are too thin, they can tear and get jammed at the PO, and no one wants a card in a plastic bag.

We are proud of our envelopes. Made of medium cardstock and thick enough to hold up in the mail sorters, but thin enough to be able to hold up to the light and get a peek of what is inside. If you're into that.

And we promise -- no baggies in your mailbox. Unless, of course, you're into that too.

Beating card

"Get Fuzzy" is an often amusing comic strip, and considering the amount of times it makes references to Maine, lobster and now greeting cards, I sometimes wonder if I am writing it in my sleep...



Thanks to Patrick for the link.

I've got your M&A activity right here

Dear American Greetings: I know we're just launching things, but everyone seems to like the cards we've released so far and the talent level Doreen and I can offer is worth way more than the several million dollars you're shelling out for Recycled Paper Greetings. I know you probably got them at a fire-sale price, but they're in Chapter 11! Were they paying their illustrators and writers in gold? Are you sure you want to deal with folks with those types of business practices? We are a safe bet -- well run, young, smart and full of fresh ideas. All we require is a fully stocked bar. Health insurance would be nice too.

Do you have your holiday cards yet?

Greeting cards with a punch of sass

Times are tight, but they don't have to cramp your style

ARLINGTON, Va. -- Pep Greetings today released its holiday run of greeting cards for 2008. Both unique designs feature award-winning art in full color, with a healthy kick of sass and tasty drink recipes to add to the cheer of the season.

The cards and matching envelopes come individually packaged or in packs of five, are printed on medium card stock and are suitable for gifting.

Both designs are available for purchase via the company Web site at http://www.pepgreetings.com or via the artist community etsy.com.

"After years of brainstorming over wine and writing and sketching fun designs and sayings for our friends and families, it's good to have something fun to share with the world," said Co-founder and Head Scribbler, Jessica Strelitz.

"It's great to see a friendship that has been going strong for 12 years and counting be represented in the cards we now make. Both of our personalities, likes and dislikes come together to form Pep Greetings, a very exciting venture for both of us!" said Co-founder and Head Doodler, Doreen Mulryan Marts.

Pep also provides custom card work and soon will be adding birthday and Valentine's offerings.

About Pep Greetings: Doreen Mulryan Marts and Jessica Strelitz founded Pep Greetings in 2006. Marts is a freelance illustrator with a global client base, specializing in spot illustration and children's book artwork as well as product and toy design. Strelitz is a professional writer and editor, specializing in food and drink, business and sports writing. The pair met in 1996 as students at Carnegie Mellon University and their friendship has taken them from drinking daiquiris at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, to beers in the bars of D.C. and NYC and cocktails after ice hockey games in every tiny rink in western Pennsylvania.

Sign up for blog updates at http://feeds.feedburner.com/PepGreetings or drop us a note at pepgreetings@gmail.com for the latest on the greeting card world, updates on new Pep designs and glimpses inside of our warped minds.

Saying thank you

I just added another year to my very rich, often scandalous and never boring life and have just finished my thank you cards. This is something my parents encouraged me to do when I was young, and after 25 years, I never grow tired of putting them in the mail. If someone goes out of their way to recognize you on your birthday, your anniversary, your wedding, a holiday -- whatever prompts people that like you enough to give you a present -- you should say thank you. Whether it be via Facebook, e-mail, or a note -- expressing how you are grateful in writing makes you happier.

"We are all walking around with an amazing resource: gratitude ... It helps us express and enjoy, appreciate, be thankful and satisfied with a little effort. We all have it, and we need to use it to improve our quality of life," said Kent State University's Dr. Steven Toepfer, who conducted research on the subject and found that students who wrote letters of gratitude felt better about themselves.

"The most powerful thing in our lives is our social network. It doesn't have to be large, and you don't always need to be the life of the party, but just having one or two significant connections in your life has shown to have terrific psychological and physical benefits," Toepfer added.

So wait a few weeks and buy our soon-to-be-released thank you cards. And use them. I can guarantee it'll do you good. It's a scientific fact.

Paper cards -- they can't steal your identity (or your wallet)

Happy holidays -- among the myriad things to be afraid of this time of year (purse snatchers, people breaking into your house when you go on vacation ala "Home Alone," beer goggles at the corporate holiday party and eggnog hangovers come to mind) please add e-greeting card identity theft.

Yet another reason why paper greeting cards are superior to their e-cousins.

Glitter and the Patriot Act

If you have seen an e-mail encouraging you to write to soldiers at Walter Reed this holiday season, it appears to be a hoax:

"Millions of people are receiving an e-mail that suggests sending cards to "wounded soldier" at Walter Reed Army Hospital. Unfortunately, due to security reasons, your card will be thrown away unopened."

Generic cards don't fly anymore with the Pentagon. All mail needs to be addressed to specific soldiers. But don't let the technicality stop you from reaching out to fighting men and women this year. The Red Cross sponsors a program that facilitates getting cards to soldiers in combat zones and military hospitals in the U.S. and overseas.

Through Dec. 10, send your greeting cards -- with adequate postage and a return address -- to Holiday Mail for Heroes, P.O. Box 5456, Capitol Heights, Md. 20791-5456. But please, no glitter.

The importance of audience & art

The Bush White House's (next-to) final Hanukkah reception invitations are out ... featuring an image of the White House **Christmas** tree "being pulled by a horse-drawn cart with a Christmas wreath tacked on to the White House in the background."

The First Lady says the "intended" ones will be in the mail next week. Let's hope they remember to leave out the image of the holiday ham this time around.

Drinking with Santa

I have seen snow, found the Christmas music station and spotted my first sets of lights, so clearly we are deep in the holiday season. I actually don't know how this happened, but apparently time advances in some sort of a lunar cycle. Or so they tell me. In any case, to celebrate, Doreen and I have created a festive holiday card for you. We SHOULD have it online next week. It features a drink recipe that I have been dying to share since the stranger who shared it with me 6 years ago told me not to. It also has a deer on it. Get excited.

But if you MUST purchase cards from others, The Onion reminds you of the perils of pissing off Santa and our boys at Bald Guys invite you to celebrate Hannukah with Morty.

Save your money, buy a greeting card

Who isn't watching their wallet a little closer these days? Even my CEO was telling me (proudly) this week how he and our CFO ordered pizza -- and even walked to pick it up -- instead of doing dinners out during budget meetings.

My birthday is in two weeks and I've rented out part of my favorite bar and invited a ton of friends to celebrate with me. Presents not accepted, presence is enough. But I do hope I get some fun, creative cards. I really appreciate the time and effort someone puts into their choice, especially if it makes me think, or smile or tear up. And I save them all. (Dad, this no-gift policy does not apply to you -- I still want that wine fridge).

Of course, a couple glasses of whiskey are also welcome. I'm never one to turn down booze.