Sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray

Please add to the list of things I don't want for my birthday this year: Amy Winehouse cards and wrapping paper. I know that I enjoy the occasional cocktail, but I don't think it warrants "Rehab" status.

Living the dream

Some people say you shouldn't mix business with passion.

Here's an example of why that's total BS.

Wis. girl loves paper. Wis. girl loves independent paper store where she buys greeting cards all through college. Wis. girl gets job at said store. Five months later, she buys it.

New life and real life

I recently found out that one of my best friends is going to have a baby. I already have a lot of friends with wee ones and I love being an auntie. But this particular momma is a card freak too, so she's going to get a lot of mail from me over the next few months. Expecting cards can be heartfelt, beautiful and fun -- and especially fun when the recipient has a good sense of humor. And being able to keep your sense of humor when you're carrying another human around in your belly during a long, hot summer AND can't drink wine -- is critical.

I also this week discovered that a family member and a dear friend's mother are both facing fears connected to cancer -- a disease that already has affected my life many times over -- and the lives of nearly everyone I know. Regardless of diagnosis, it's terrifying to face your body/health's limitations. Without a medical degree, there is little I can do except listen, love and support. Considering that the majority of "get well soon" cards are lame/inappropriate and "thinking of you" cards are too sappy, I mostly go for blanks (kind of a choose-your-own adventure girl). I am also considering customizing some of these amazingly frightening cards from the CDC. If any of you have ever gotten one of these, please let me know so I can beat who sent it to you and then send them one about the "concussion toolkit."

Celebrate the little, the big, the scary and the beautiful things that life hands us. Don't wait for someone to give you a pen and say "write me." You'd want someone to do it for you, right?

Take this card behind the middle school and get it pregnant

NBC Universal has inked a deal with Hallmark to "create a line of greeting cards that use content from the studio’s film, television and music libraries." In the lineup, "30 Rock" and "The Office" -- two shows with the best collection of one-liners on TV today. While I don't think that line "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five" will be spoken when you open a card emblazoned with a smiling photo of Tracy Morgan anytime soon, I hope it's at least ready by my birthday in December.

Fresh, beautiful and noisy as hell

I spent a few days by myself (mostly...) at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic about 7 years ago. Nothing amazing (I couldn't afford "spectacular," but I could afford unlimited beer in my room), but it was pretty and it had peacocks. They are lovely birds -- strutting around, fanning their plumage and distracting me somewhat from the dismal food on the premises.

The first night I was there, after a few drinks and "dinner", I was sitting in a hot tub and heard the most awful screech -- ever. It sounded like someone being knifed. Being a 25-year-old woman on vacation alone in an island nation -- in a bikini in a hot tub alone late at night -- this was a bit disconcerting in a "all the things Mom warned me about" kind of way. I waited. I listened. The sound came again.

I grabbed my towel and booked it back to my room.

After not sleeping all night, I went to the lobby to try once again to contact my online travel agency about a booking issue (a now defunct vacation site that screwed me over for a good $200) and to see if the police had showed up overnight for that dead lady I was sure was found on the lawn after midnight. On the way, I ran into a peacock, gliding across the lawn -- bobbing its head and checking for a snack.

Then it opened its beak....

The good thing about peacock images -- which are the rage in the greeting card world this summer -- is that they are all jewel-tones and flash, without the noise. Trust me, this is one sound Hallmark will not want to license.

Out of town, but not out of it entirely

I missed the National Stationery Show this year. Bad scribbler. My freelance writing/wanderlust drew me south of the equator to Argentina -- which is another story for another blog. Amazing journey.

The doodler reported that the trade show floor was smaller than years before -- less exhibitors, less buyers. But from the looks of the NSS blog, the talent level was as high as it has been in years past. Congrats to all of the LOUIE winners, new exhibitors and pioneers of new designs and technology.

The doodler also exhibited at Surtex this year for the first time - marking her debut on the licensing scene. Before the show -- which ran concurrently with NSS -- opened, she got an awesome shout-out in Print & Pattern. Pep couldn't be more proud of its designer-in-chief!

Remember, she's carried you a lot longer than 9 months

Moms don't quit on their kids. Ever. At all costs. And you were kind of a brat at times. And you know it.

So consider that when you're weighing what to get her this weekend. Smaller bouquet or 2 dozen rodes. Mediocre brunch or a swanky affair. The cheaper card, or a Pep Greetings card. Come on now.

She didn't eat you alive. And she could have. Trust me.

Happy Mother's Day to all of our favorite mommas. We love every one of you.

Creating a brand

When Kathy Davis started submitting her designs to card companies in the the late 1980s, she had no idea what was born from necessity (a divorce) and talent (freelance calligraphy) would become inspirational. The former art teacher with a master's degree built her business design by design. Recycled Paper Greetings believed in her, and the two worked together to develop her brand, which has grown into four separate entities, 15 employees and more than $50 million in retail sales last year. In 2008, she forged a new partnership with American Greetings and wrote a book. Not bad for the rest of your life.

You don't have to be an entrepreneur to develop your personal brand. It isn't all about mugs and gift bags or book deals. Know who you are. Embrace it. Take a risk. And live it.

"Everybody's going to want a piece of you. Make sure you maintain doing the things you love," Davis said about advice she received on drawing boundaries in business.

It applies well beyond the workplace.

Who writes them? Not me. Well, not those, anyway

This Austin (Minn.? Really?) Daily Herald writer has a good point: There are a ton of shitty greeting card writers who, unfortunately, are polluting your local card buying spot with their attempts at wit and insight.

"You would think an industry that can somehow get a greeting card to play music — the Star Wars Theme, the Chicken Dance — could figure out a way to write cards for brothers buying them for their sisters."

Too bad he didn't venture outside of the shoe box. Often the fun comes in working to make a card's "defined" intention meet your purpose.

Always frequent your happy place

One of my favorite card stores in the world is in the Shadyside neighborhood of Pittsburgh: Kards Unlimited. I got to go there this weekend while visiting my alma mater for a few days of nerdy bacchanalia (but that is another story for another social media medium.)

If you are like me and live in a greeting card wasteland populated only by a (crappy) American Greetings store in the mall, a single aisle at (several thousand) CVS locations and a teeny, tiny Papyrus (full of dull Papyrus cards) -- a store like Kards Unlimited is an oasis. Loads of crowded racks showcasing beautiful (Flying Elephant), pretty (you send me), snarky (uncooked, selfish kitty) and dirty-funny (ripe, mikright) cards of all shapes and sizes. I'm not even going to go on about the temporary food tattoos, zombie stuff and funky cookbooks, but I want to. Badly.

If you have one of these independent gems in your neighborhood -- shop there. Kards Unlimited has been around for more than 40 years and was busy on the Saturday afternoon that I stopped in looking for a "recover soon from your stab wounds and remember not to chase your muggers next time" card (I actually found one) -- but it needs two things to thrive: you and me.

We all feel the pinch

Hallmark Cards this week said it plans to cut 8% of its workforce -- which could result in up to 750 jobs lost. CEO Donald Hall Jr. is keeping a stiff upper lip about the whole thing, but let's be honest -- no one is immune.

That new Peep smell

I once dated somone who lived about a 1/2 mile from the Just Born candy factory in Bethlehem, Pa. He turned into a bit of a stalker, but for a few weeks I did get to experience the joy that is driving around Bethlehem on an early spring day -- the sweet smell of newborn Peeps lingering in the air.

Thankfully you don't have to go out with an emotionally unstable young man to smell the marshmallow candies any time you desire. Just Born has licensed the Peeps brand (and flavors) to be used for a frightening array of products including key rings, stuffed animals, popcorn, candles, figurines and other fine china (tell me if you plan to register for Peep china for your wedding and I don't care who you are, I'll buy you some salad plates) as well as SCENTED greeting cards. Mmm -- Easterlicious.

John Potter, do not make me come and kick your ass

Bottom line: Mail is down 12% and the USPS could be out of money by the end of the year.

“The Postal Service, which has served America for 234 years, is experiencing a very serious financial crisis because of the downturn in the economy,” John Potter, head of the U.S. Postal Service, told lawmakers. He went on to say the losses, in the billions of dollars, are of "historic proportions."

So what does he do? He asks to cut a day of service. Five days a week of mail, people. This could really happen!

Mail delivery is one of the cornerstones of this nation. Even in post-apocalyptic times, there will be mail. Didn't anyone see "The Postman"? (I know it was a terrible movie, please don't miss the point here.) I'll bet even those children in rags got their New Yorkers on time. And their VISA bills. And the sweet, sweet ValPak.

It is time for another bailout. This is bigger than AIG. And the banks. And whatever other madness TARP is covering (unless it's petting zoos. That is completely valid). The mail. We must save the mail. Who is with me?

Recession Part 2: The power of an "unexpected gesture" (and music choice)

Hallmark's new ad campaign is called "A Card. It's the Biggest Little Thing You Can Do." Featuring music by John Mayer. And 99 cent cards. Umm, I love the idea ("returning to basics, reaching out and letting people know they're loved and appreciated or just to say thanks"), but it also freaks me the hell out.

A few boxes over the garage

Mom asked me to go through "a few boxes" (8) of my stuff from junior high and high school while I was back in Maine this weekend. She is packing up the house in anticipation of a move -- a sad thought for me, but an important new start for her.

While she looked ahead, I got to dive into the past. Not surprisingly, it's full of letters from a world without easy e-mail access, when long distance calls still cost something and text messages & IM didn't exist. I have boxes of postcards, birthday cards, notes passed in class and scraps of paper stuffed into envelopes. Scrawled script on legal pad yellow, beautiful monogrammed linen and even sandpaper (a boyfriend who wrote to me during breaks at his construction job) . Some were from people I had met for a few hours (a 14-year-old Canadian that I had apparently met on the beach while I was visiting my grandparents in Florida) and others were from people I still write to today (my dear friend Jessamy, who has been writing me without fail for more than 20 years -- including when we lived less than an hour apart).

Several "High Fidelity" moments: Poetry from the boy who inspired me to go to CMU. Song lyrics from one of many musician loves. About 20 one-page notes from a wrestler who struggled to keep how he felt about me from his family... and mine ... for a year (he made up a new name for each return address). Advice on love, sex and college life to come. Admissions of anger, guilt, fear and longing. There was a short story in every few inches of time.

More than a few made me want to set them aside to try to find their writers. Where were they now, after so much time?Did they have my letters in return ... and what did they say?

So, keep your letters. You may think they are just taking up space today, or you may fear that someone else will read them and not understand who you were when you received them. But if you are lucky enough to have someone write to you, it captures a moment in your life and becomes a part of your personal history. One that you probably weren't even conscious that you were building. But you'll be happy you have them one day, sitting on the basement floor of a packed-up home, surrounded by boxes -- a glass of wine in hand. Trust me on that.

Ugly babies need love too

I'm not a Mom (yet), so I can say it -- some people have ugly kids. Not any of my friends, of course. But they are out there. And they apparently sell. OK, not UGLY wee ones -- but scowly ones. And messy ones. Or ones making faces. Oh hell, just kids. Kids sell. And Hallmarks knows it. And they know that parents want to crow about them -- so they've finally found a way to let them have their day.

But it goes beyond children. Last year, Hallmark -- which before now only used in-house staff for designing its thousands of cards each year -- launched Greeting Card Competition.

"You're creative. You've got talent. And passion. We LOVE that. So, by golly, you deserve a spot to submit your brilliant card concepts. Card competition, anyone?"

People are encouraged to submit their ideas & personal pics for use in funny cards, parenting cards, bloopers -- all with the chance to be made into a real greeting card and win prizes (such as cash and money for a favorite charity). I think it's a smart corporate move that connects with the card-buying public, sources new ideas in a time of creative cut-backs and creates a charitable write-off channel. Complete with a blog and Facebook page.

Right now if you go to hallmarkcontest.com you can vote on the Mother's & Father's Day finalists. OK ... some of them are cute. By golly, indeed.

Faith in the Vernal Equinox

Had an idea for a thank you card as I was walked home tonight from the train to my house.

Thanks ...
Your several weeks of silence have made it much easier for me to stop obsessing over you.

Doodler, any idea how we can illustrate this one?

After 4 days of amazing weather around D.C., it was nice to enjoy the last threads of warmth as they began to mix with the cooler breeze that tomorrow will bring March back to reality. Warm days allow me to sleep with open windows, run outside and shed my mental cobwebs. Note to the spider walking along my ceiling when I woke up today: Don't come back soon.

Next week officially marks the beginning of spring. It has been a particularly long winter -- crazy cold, storms, economic turmoil, friends out of work, struggle and some heart hiccups. But the green is there. Grass, Leprauchauns, grape vines and crocus leaves. Right around the corner. And they're ready to warm you up again.

Same old address

One of the cool things about living in America is that with enough notice, the most powerful leader in the free world will send you a card for a milestone birthday or anniversary.

I think we should do this when people turn 18 as well. I can't think of a better way to be reminded to get your ass out to vote than to receive a note from an elected official saying "Welcome to responsibility." Love who is representing you? Work to keep him/her. Hate them? Do something about it.

Give the gift of sweet hallucinations

Birthdays. They happen. Every year, in fact. Right now, no one has any money. That has not, however, dampened most people's insatiable appetite for recognition. And gifts. Especially on their day.

So, when you care enough to go beyond posting "Happy Birthday" on someone's Facebook wall and when just another "Many Happy Returns" $2 Happy Hour beer won't do -- consider giving one of Pep's' inaugural birthday cards. It's more than a fun shade of green. It goes well beyond the colorful hat. It's like a free hit of acid that will never show up on a drug test. With the added delight of a yummy cupcake recipe.

BONUS: For a limited time, buy a 5-pack (or hell, buy an individual card) and the scribbler will personally call the recipient and sing "Happy Birthday" over the phone. The scribbler has a lovely singing voice, if not a bit loud. She cannot, however, guarantee that she will be sober when said call is placed. But that makes it all the more fun. Surprise!

Sympathy cards can be sent to Kansas City

"Hallmark Magazine" has died. The March-April issue will be its last. At least 500 subscribers are going to be really unhappy when their subscription turns into "ESPN: The Magazine" come May.

To be honest, I'm not sure how this magazine differed from "Martha Stewart Living". I could swear that they were exactly the same book. Recipes. Crafts. Kids. Completely geared toward women. And I did see it a few times. Picked it up. Flipped through it. It's been around for three years, after all. But it was a magazine branded by a greeting card giant. What brilliant person wrote the business plan that got this project greenlighted? I need their help selling my social media strategy. If you subscribed to this, seriously -- tell me why?