Sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray

Please add to the list of things I don't want for my birthday this year: Amy Winehouse cards and wrapping paper. I know that I enjoy the occasional cocktail, but I don't think it warrants "Rehab" status.

Living the dream

Some people say you shouldn't mix business with passion.

Here's an example of why that's total BS.

Wis. girl loves paper. Wis. girl loves independent paper store where she buys greeting cards all through college. Wis. girl gets job at said store. Five months later, she buys it.

New life and real life

I recently found out that one of my best friends is going to have a baby. I already have a lot of friends with wee ones and I love being an auntie. But this particular momma is a card freak too, so she's going to get a lot of mail from me over the next few months. Expecting cards can be heartfelt, beautiful and fun -- and especially fun when the recipient has a good sense of humor. And being able to keep your sense of humor when you're carrying another human around in your belly during a long, hot summer AND can't drink wine -- is critical.

I also this week discovered that a family member and a dear friend's mother are both facing fears connected to cancer -- a disease that already has affected my life many times over -- and the lives of nearly everyone I know. Regardless of diagnosis, it's terrifying to face your body/health's limitations. Without a medical degree, there is little I can do except listen, love and support. Considering that the majority of "get well soon" cards are lame/inappropriate and "thinking of you" cards are too sappy, I mostly go for blanks (kind of a choose-your-own adventure girl). I am also considering customizing some of these amazingly frightening cards from the CDC. If any of you have ever gotten one of these, please let me know so I can beat who sent it to you and then send them one about the "concussion toolkit."

Celebrate the little, the big, the scary and the beautiful things that life hands us. Don't wait for someone to give you a pen and say "write me." You'd want someone to do it for you, right?

Take this card behind the middle school and get it pregnant

NBC Universal has inked a deal with Hallmark to "create a line of greeting cards that use content from the studio’s film, television and music libraries." In the lineup, "30 Rock" and "The Office" -- two shows with the best collection of one-liners on TV today. While I don't think that line "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five" will be spoken when you open a card emblazoned with a smiling photo of Tracy Morgan anytime soon, I hope it's at least ready by my birthday in December.

Fresh, beautiful and noisy as hell

I spent a few days by myself (mostly...) at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic about 7 years ago. Nothing amazing (I couldn't afford "spectacular," but I could afford unlimited beer in my room), but it was pretty and it had peacocks. They are lovely birds -- strutting around, fanning their plumage and distracting me somewhat from the dismal food on the premises.

The first night I was there, after a few drinks and "dinner", I was sitting in a hot tub and heard the most awful screech -- ever. It sounded like someone being knifed. Being a 25-year-old woman on vacation alone in an island nation -- in a bikini in a hot tub alone late at night -- this was a bit disconcerting in a "all the things Mom warned me about" kind of way. I waited. I listened. The sound came again.

I grabbed my towel and booked it back to my room.

After not sleeping all night, I went to the lobby to try once again to contact my online travel agency about a booking issue (a now defunct vacation site that screwed me over for a good $200) and to see if the police had showed up overnight for that dead lady I was sure was found on the lawn after midnight. On the way, I ran into a peacock, gliding across the lawn -- bobbing its head and checking for a snack.

Then it opened its beak....

The good thing about peacock images -- which are the rage in the greeting card world this summer -- is that they are all jewel-tones and flash, without the noise. Trust me, this is one sound Hallmark will not want to license.